Life isn't easy, Shizu-Chan
by Courtney Anne Shadow
Summary: A story about emotions. Told from Izaya's point of view, as always. There may be shonen-ai (malexmale love, not sex) later on, but so far there's nothing but kindness.
1. The depressing chapter 1

**Life isn't easy, Shizu-Chan.**

_**[[ So.. Tamachi-Neko gave me the idea to express what I feel, only in the style of a fanfiction. In this case, I've displayed my everyday life with Izaya, and my need/want/desire as Shizuo.  
Sure, it'll be quite a depressing one-off thing.. maybe 1-2 or 3 chapters, but nothing more.**_

_**A short story for a lot of emotions.  
Sit down, grab a drink and.. Just. Well, read!  
By the way, "Warm Bodies" Is a very good movie, it was just brilliant, simply amazing.  
- Courtney xx ]]  
**_  
I was at that moment in life where every single day seemed to blend into the last.  
When bright, vivd colours just seemed all grey and the same as everything else.  
When people all looked the same.  
When you got reckless and a quick image of what could have happened flashed through your head, but you ignore it because you don't care.  
That time when you were freezing cold, and hoped you'd just freeze over and be put in a landfill site somewhere, anywhere.

Yeah, I think you get the message now.

It's hard when I have to smile, smirk, and taunt Shizu-chan everyday, like I always do - So that people might think nothing was wrong.

That's what I was doing now, running away from Shizuo. For fun. Entertainment. Though I didn't even feel like doing this. I guess that's why I accidently tripped up over some piece of rubbish polluting the path.  
It hurt when I fell over, but I braced myself and managed to just rip the skin off of my arms. Tears stung at my eyes, though I refused to cry over this. I looked behind me and just saw the brute, staring down at me in utter silence, his expression shocked. He was probably thinking something along the lines of 'Oh my god, THE Izaya Orihara just tripped over while running from me. I wish I had a camera.'

"You fell over?" He asked me, dumbfounded. The blonde just stared at me, while my arms bled onto the pavement. He didn't offer to help me, not yet anyway.

"Yes, Shizu-chan." I say, clamping my jaw together to keep from any emotions showing.

"But.. You don't fall over, you run." He explained, nodding lightly to himself.

"Shizuo. Not everything is perfect." I say plainly, then move into a slightly more comfortable way, sitting cross-legged on the floor with my arms spread out so that they could just.. well, bleed.

"... You fell.." He mumbles, a frown slowly overcoming his stupid expression.

".. Yes." I grumble, feeling tears suddenly prick at my eyes. I look down quickly and rub my eyes. Pain wont make me cry.

I guess Shizuo saw the lack of skin on my arms, because he turned away and hurled into a plant pot that was supposed to be "pretty". It probably wasn't too handsome anymore.  
Shizuo wiped his mouth, looking a little paler. It was weird to see him act like.. a human. Not a monster, a human.  
"Eh.. You okay, flea?" He asks quietly, staring at me whilst obviously trying to ignore the sight of blood.

I took a long breath in then out, A little attempt to calm myself. I could feel my throat knotting up and the scent of blood making me feel slightly sick.  
"I.." My voice dies, lost somewhere in the knot in my throat. I feel some tears slowly crawl down my cheeks, even though I tried so hard not to let any pass, these ones just managed to creep past. I could see that Shizu-chan was panicing slightly now. I took another breath, deeper this time - but it helped with nothing and my body started to shake, then I felt myself crying. Sobbing, in front of my enemy.

"W-whoa, what the.. fuck.. Izaya.." Shizuo's voice seemed a little shaky, I felt him move away.

"Everything.. is just.. great.. so~ leave me, Shizu-chan. Go away..~" I tried my best to sound normal, but I just couldn't. My head started to go light and I heard the blonde speaking to me, but I don't recall a word he said. A high-pitched noise started in my ears, so I held my head and drew my knees up, unable to stop myself from showing all these emotions. My whole body felt like nothing.

The pain in my arms dulled, and I looked up to Shizuo, who was apparently on his knees beside me, an arm on the back of my skull. Maybe he was going to smash my head into the pavement. I smiled to him, despite the tears, as if giving him an invitation to make my face become part of the path.

I saw vivid black and white triangle shapes, then felt my body go limp.

_- To be continued. (Even if you don't want it to, it will continue.)  
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it _**3**


	2. The boring chapter 2

**Izaya's life  
Chapter 2.**

_**[[ Well, wow.  
I didn't expect people to like this so much! But it really means a lot, thank-you.  
PM me if you want anything, or want to just talk.  
For those who don't have an account but want to contact me, my email is babsandsheepy I may as well just get that out there for you guiz.  
This chapter is probably really rubbish but.. yeah.  
Thank-you all so much,  
Courtney. xx ]]**_

"Mm.." I opened my eyes, mumbling incoherent words. I heard someone scuffling about, but I didn't see them. I remember staring at the ceiling, it was bright green and frankly, it hurt my head.  
My eyes looked around, but I didn't move my head. My face felt like starched fabric from the long since dried tears on my cheeks. My eyes were probably a bit sore-looking, because they sure as hell felt like it.  
I saw a window, strangely vivid. Everything was so sharp, vivid.. clear.

"za- ya-" I heard a small voice and looked to the side, smiling a little at the figure. It was Shinra.

"Izaya, can you hear me?"

I smiled a little wider, so that he would know I had heard him. He smiled back in what looked like relief - his eyes were dark underneath and I could tell he hadn't slept.  
"How do you feel..?" He asked, concern suddenly showing on his face.

"G-ood." I replied, struggling to talk because of a lump in my throat. I looked to the side and carefully moved my head toward the window, rather than to Shinra. I didn't want to talk to him.

I suddenly yelped in pain, then sat up quickly and hunched over, staring at the blankets on me. So I was in a bed. I looked to my arms, ignoring whatever Shinra was saying. So that's where the pain was coming from.. What had happened? My arms had towels wrapped around them and I could feel stitches holding my skin together underneath the fabric.

"Mh.." I looked up to Shinra, feeling a little light-headed again. "Shizu-chan." I said quietly, then looked to the ceiling and lay down again.

"Ah- Izaya, it's 6am. But, he's sleeping on the chair over there if you want him." Shinra's expression showed that he was getting really suspicious now.

"Ne.. Shinra, I'll be leaving now.." I smiled to him and gently patted my hair down, being careful not to strain my arms. "Thanks for.. Fixing my arms. I always said they should put grass instead of concrete." I laugh slightly, then instantly regret it because I just sounded so.. wrong.

"Izaya, you may as well stay over the night." He said, watching me with those tired eyes.

"No no, it's fine.. I'll get going now. My home isn't too far away." I sit up and swing my legs over the bed as if they were sacks of potatoes.

"Then.. I'll get Shizuo to go with you."

"Shizuo will kill me, Shinra." I replied, raising my brows.

"No he was.. very concerned about you.." Shinra explained, looking away.  
I looked to Shizuo. He was asleep on the chair, head pressed against the wall and his hands clasped lightly onto his thighs. He was frowning, so he still looked like a monster. Good. I never want to see him look human again.

"I don't want him to come with me. I have.. plans. Places to be." I grumble, grabbing Shinra's arm to steady myself as I stood up.

"Orihara Izaya." The doctor said in a stern voice, clearly not going to take no for an answer.

".. fine. Whatever. I'm not waking him up though.." I wrapped my arms around myself stiffly, happy that Shinra hadn't changed my clothes. I watched quietly, like an invisible statue, as Shinra shook Shizuo awake.  
The blonde looked a bit bewildered at first, then he seemed to click and jumped up onto his feet quickly and came over to me.

I flinched away, thinking he would hit me for acting so pathetic earlier and now. But instead.. I felt his arms embrace me tightly, the warmth made me shiver slightly but I soon relaxed and closed my eyes.

The last time I remember being hugged like this must have been on my 8th birthday. Ifeel the lump in my throat tighten more, making it even hard to breathe.

"Izaya, are you going to stay here or would you like Shizuo to take you home?" I heard Shinra ask me, so I opened my eyes and gazed at him blankly.

"... Depends if Shizu-chan lets go." I replied quietly, noticing just how much Shizuo towered over me.

"Ehm.." Shizuo moved away from me and looked to Shinra, then they went off to talk for a moment.  
I just stood there dumbly, waiting for someone to get back so that I could go home and get to bed. I didn't want any body guard. I didn't want anything, I didn't even ask to live. So why was all of this being given to me? I hated it.  
I wanted this to just be over with. I want to go back in time and somehow make my mother not have me as a child. I'd kill myself as a child so that I wouldn't have to go through this.

"Izaya..? You ready?"  
I felt a coat drape over me, so I looked up and smiled very lightly to show my appreciation and pulled it around myself a little more then shuffled my useless feet into my shiny black trainers.

"Yeah.. You can just.. Drop me off at my home and go to your place." I laughed slightly and tapped the side of my nose whilst watching the blonde. "Shinra is over-protective."  
I guess I said that to test him. To see how much he cared. To see if he would go home and forget about me. I do this a lot to people.

"No, I'm going to stay over with you to make sure you're okay." He told me quietly, looking away as he said it. "I'll just sleep on the sofa or something."

I didn't say anything but followed beside him, thanking Shinra as we walked out into the open. The air was sharp, so it surprised me, but the sky was black. Just tiny little twinkles of light, stars, in the sky. It was beautiful.

"Izaya, are you feeling better?" He asked me, walking close to my side.

"I'm fine Shizu-chan." I mumble, now watching the floor while I walked. "You can leave now, I'll go home by myself. People will see us, it will ruin your reputation to be seen walking with me." I stopped walking and just stood there, looking away from Shizuo.

"Hey. I said I'm coming. The more you try to make me leave the longer I'll stay." He smiled widely, showing off his teeth. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen him smile. But it was nice to see someone smile because of me.

".. Kay." I started walking again, a little faster than before.  
Finally we arrived at my home, but Shizuo refused to let me unlock the door, so he took the keys from my pocket and did it himself, then locked it after we walked in. It was warm inside because the heating was on still. Usually I'd turn it off before I would leave to fake chase Shizuo, but I guess I had forgotten again.

"Izaya?" Shizuo asked, looking down to me when he had guided me to bed and helped me change into my pajamas(though I would have liked it if he hadn't done so).  
"Yeah, Shizu-chan" I mumbled, crawling under the covers of my four poster double bed.

"Why did you cry like that..?" His voice was hushed, he didn't want to ask, but it was on his mind. That's what his tone of voice told me.

I raised my arms up and stared at the blonde blankly. "Change my bandages so that I can sleep."

"Izaya." He stared at me then took a long breath out and went away to get the bandages.  
When he came back, my arms were still held up for him, so he took the old ones off and replaced them.

"Thanks, Shizuo." I said to him, then cuddled down and lay on my side, arms wide open.

"I'll sleep on the floor in the living room, okay?" He said. I just hummed back to him, staring at the wall as if it were going to do something.  
Shizuo walked off, leaving me alone. I was glad to finally have some space to myself but after a few moments I realised I really wanted somebody's company. I forced myself to shut my eyes, but couldn't sleep.

Who even was I? Izaya Orihara just seemed like the person I wanted to be now. Everything was spiralling away and it was the cause of nobody and nothing. I was just simply crumbling away, tearing away at the seams - and nobody but me could fix that..

A few hours later and I still wasn't asleep. I grabbed some paper instead and started to write a note.  
"Dearest Shizu-chan and anyone who really cares,  
I'm sure that I'm ill.  
Now, I wouldn't want to sadden you all too much, so I've decided to take the easy route to leave this hell, or so called "Life" - I'm sure you'd agree that it would be better, ne, Shizu-chan?  
Besides, You want me dead , but you hate violence. It's a brilliant way to deal with things.  
I believe I've fallen prey to a trap, or a test - To see how I would react in such a situation, rather than my test subjects.  
Shizu-chan-"

My hand scribbled down the note and onto my blanket, not that I had noticed.  
I had fallen asleep half-way through writing the damn thing.


	3. The short chapter 3

**Izaya's life  
****Chapter 3.**

_Sorry for the wait, ladies and gentlemen. D;_****

I felt a hand roughly shaking my whole body, the only person I knew capable of doing such a thing with one hand was Shizu-chan.  
"Mm-" I mumbled slightly then waited for the shaking to stop, but it didn't. "Shizu.. stop.. sleeping.." I grumbled, starting to feel a little seasick now.

Finally I decided to open my eyes, though I made a point to the blonde that I _did not_ want to open my eyes. I was just too tired, I felt very lazy because usually I would wake up at around 6am. I knew by the fact that Shizuo was awake that it was way past 6am.  
Shizuo was probably a very lazy man.

When my eyes finally opened, I saw a very angry Shizuo staring at me.  
"Ehm.. Your face about to burst or something, Shizu-chan?" I mumble, starting to turn over when I notice some crumpled paper in one of his fists.

"Izaya. What is this?" He asks, his voice shaking slightly because he was probably trying to keep 'calm'. His fist unclenches and the scrunched paper ball drops onto my blankets.

I knew what it was as soon as I saw one letter, my handwriting, on the paper.  
"Just something I was trying to write for a book." I lied, then turned on my side.

"Sure doesn't sound like it. Izaya, what is with you? It's like you've lost the will to live. I thought you loved 'your humans'."

I didn't say anything in return and instead closed my eyes. I had no answer for him, because I had no clue what was "with me".

[[ Sorry this chapter was short- I thought I'd post up what I have written so you wont have to wait so long. ]]


	4. Chapter 4

**Life isn't easy, Shizu-chan  
Chapter 4**

[[ Okay sorry. I kinda lost all motivation to write anything, although I've had a few messages asking why there isn't a next chapter.  
Right, writing time.  
- Courtney xx ]]

I had fallen asleep after talking to Shizuo.  
I hadn't been eating properly, so fainting and sleeping more was a natural reaction for a man with next to no energy.

When I awoke, I was groggy and confused. My chest hurt and my stomach was aching for food.  
"Shizuo.." I called, listening for any noises. I heard nothing. Had the brute left?

"Shizuuuu.." I shouted again, getting aggrivated. He was there when I didn't need him, but now where was he? I wanted some food. I was hungry. But my legs would probably give out underneath me if I tried going to the kitchen.

I waited longer, but the only noise was a pigeon cooing outside my window.

Okay, so the brute was gone when I needed him. I could handle it, I told myself, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. It was cold, so I snatched up a grandpa sweater and pulled it over me, luckily nobody knew I had this worn down thing.

I stood up shakily, my legs threatening to give way, though I stepped carefully along the carpets and made it to the kitchen unharmed. I did sort of wish Shizuo was there to help me though, I really needed some support.

My fingers wrapped around the fridge handle, head starting to spin. "Shizuo.." I called again, just in case he was ignoring me and hiding somewhere in the house. Still, there was no reply, so I pulled out a bar of dark chocolate from the fridge and sat upon the cold tiled floor of the kitchen, pushing blocks of chocolate in my mouth.

It took me about.. 20 minutes to eat the whole thing, then I was full, and feeling a little more energetic. I decided to walk to my laptop and join a chatroom or something, when I noticed Shizuo on the couch, asleep.

I stared down at him, feeling a horrible burst of pain in my chest. I moved onto my desk chair quickly.

Shizuo.. What was he doing, sleeping there? He could have helped me, he could have made me something real to eat, something to make me feel better. But instead he satisfied his own needs of sleep, while the man he insisted on coming home with was emotionally and physically wasting away.

I had never really felt a big hate for anyone in the human race, and I didn't now. I used to like to toy with people, now they hear I'm weak, and try at killing me, and taking revenge in suttle ways.  
I didn't exactly hate Shizu-chan, I just found he was like those little tin toys, where you wind up the key and they set off, charging around and sometimes flailing their arms around, or lashing out at the air.

Now, all I felt for Shizuo was hurt.

To know he was there, when I actually needed him, and called for him, made me feel utterly downgraded. I had gathered the courage to call to my 'enemy' and here he was, ignoring my calls of help, instead getting a nice long rest. As if he needed the energy.

After a moment of reading fanfictions on a website, I strolled over to Shizuo and sat down in front of his face, glaring at it. He kicked up such a fuss about that note when he was awake, I bet he wouldn't even notice if I jumped out of the window. If he did, he wouldn't care. He'd probably take my champagne and celebrate my death.

"Shizuo." I said in a monotone voice, looking all over his face in case of any reaction to him hearing his name. Nothing.

Okay, I gave him four chances, and I need something for energy before I pass out.

It actually took a lot more energy than I thought, but I screamed. In his face. So close to his ear.

I watched his eyes shoot open as he sat up quickly, then turned to me with eyes resembling an owls'. "I-Izaya! Are you okay?" He asked, all of his words sort of forming into one word.

"I'm hungry. Very hungry." I answered coldly, then moved back over to the desk and sat down, leaning back a little in the comfortable chair, while I watched Shizuo.

The blonde stood and, much to my dissappointment, he only had underwear on. I pulled a face and looked away, not wanting to see that.

"I'll go buy a take-away." He grunted, tiredness seeming to wash over him as he pulled on some trousers.

"Not a take-away. I'd rather not have a heart attack and grow to the size of a house, thank-you very much. How about a salad? Or baked beans? Something worth eating. Check my kitchen." I closed my eyes as I talked, the sun basking over my eyelids.  
It felt kind of nice, sort of like surrendering my soul to the sun, relaxing.

Shizuo didn't say anything, but I heard the hem of his jeans drag along the floor as he walked away from me, letting me alone to rest again.

Life was hard for now, soon it would be over. I wanted people to remember me as THE Izaya Orihara. Not what had become of me. I had to do something impressive, fast. Murder a few world-class criminals or something, then I could leave this world feeling accomplished.

Maybe then my humans might love me in return.


	5. A notice

**Hey guys!**

**I'm not dead. I just can't write anything at the moment..**

**I want to write an Ed, edd and eddy fanfic, but I only wrote a little bit and its awful. **

**_does anyone still read this fanfic?_**

**_I'll continue if I know like, if one person is reading this_**

Nobody likes an unfinished story or one with a crappy ending -coughs at my other fanfic-


	6. I'm so flattered

Ahh! I'm so flattered with all of these reviews.. Some made me a bit tearful if I must be honest -coughcough-

so.. I'll continue the story at least for one more chapter.

At the moment I'm at ikea(AKA Demonic lair of furniture) so I can't write it now. Soon, though!

Thank you all so much! 3


	7. Chapter5 where you notice I can't write

**Life isn't easy, Shizu-chan.  
Chapter 5**

_[[ Thank-you for sticking with me, everyone. My love goes out to you all, and.. I hope you'll maybe read the next fanfic I write. Maybe it wont be as good, but I hope it will be alright.  
Now, enjoy your long- awaited chapter.  
- Courtney xx ]]_

A few minutes had passed since Shizuo had gone into the kitchen, [[ _a lot longer if this story was in real time. god shizuo, you took months_]] though when he came back, my eyes were closed so he decided that shoving the food under my nose would be a good idea. It wasn't.

I opened my eyes and pulled a face in disgust. All I could smell was charcoal.  
"What the fuck.." I grumbled, daring myself to look at the food.

"Beans." He replied, clearly not very awake.

"More like stones. How did you even.. egh.." I shoved his hand and the food away, feeling my throat tighten up. "I'm not hungry anymore.."

"Flea, you have to eat something." He replied groggily, taking the spoon and shoveling some of the charred beans into his mouth. "Doesn't taste that bad." He stated, then proceeded to shovel more onto the spoon. I wished he would eat it all and get sick, but instead he pushed it to my lips.

"Disgusting, you just ate off of tha-" I practically heaved as I felt him force me to eat the burnt food. I wanted to spit it out, but that wasn't very sanitary. Neither was this food.

"See? Not so bad." He told me, eating another spoonful as if sharing the same gross food and spoon was okay.

"You disgust me." I said calmly, getting up from the chair and headed to the bathroom. The brute followed after me of course, though luckily he left the 'meal' behind.

"Where are you going? You have to eat more, you wanted it."

"So now it's my fault you cooked such an appauling thing?" I grumbled, opening the toilets' lid and I sat beside it.

"I didn't say that.." He sounded a little guilty, and just watched me as I pushed my finger into my mouth. "What are you doing? That looks kind of painful."

I glared at him and prodded more at the back of my throat, but nothing was coming out and all I was doing was choking, so I went to brush my teeth and tongue instead, to get rid of his bacteria in my mouth. What a horrible thought.

"Izaya, I don't understand. I thought it tasted pretty good." He really was quite puzzled.

"It's horrible, it tastes bad, it's burnt and you put the spoon you ate with into my mouth." I went to glare at him after rinsing my mouth out, but he was staring at the ground and looking sorry for himself so I left him to it.

"... There's a pineapple in the fridge, maybe if you put your brain to it you could slice it up for me to eat. A lot of energy in those." I almost made a 'Oh wait, you don't have a brain' joke, but decided against it because he really did look pretty upset. I guess he did actually try his best to make me something to eat.

"Yeah, lie down on your bed and I'll go cut it up for you."

Frowning, I just nodded and waved my hand at him. Who was he to tell me what to do? I did feel pretty drained from failed attempts at chucking up the beans though, so I just did what he said and snuggled under my bed covers.  
It felt nice and the blankets felt like security to me. I felt myself drifting off to sleep, letting the warmth take me into a slumber I'd hopefully not awake from.

Sadly, all good things come to an end, and I found myself being rattled about not long after falling to sleep. "Mnnneh?"  
I opened my eyes then opened them a little wider when I found Shizuo's mouth over my own.  
What on Earth was he doing to me?!

My foot moved up of it's own accord and kicked his shin, it probably would have hurt a lot on a normal person. But this was Shizu-chan.

Luckily, he moved away and I stared at him in shock. "Wh-what the fuck was that?!"

"I thought you were dead!" He shouted, fear showing in his eyes. "I thought CPR might work.. And it did, right? You're alive now! God, I'm so glad."

I left him to thinking he'd saved me, though the taste of second-hand smoke in my mouth was enough to make me wretch. "Yeah, great, you saved me." I grumbled angrily. "Should of just left me alone and I'd leave my apartment in your will or something."

"...Really?"

"Are you really that stupid?" I sighed in irritation and grabbed the bowl of pineapple I saw on my bedside table, then started to eat them quickly - hoping to get the taste of.. him.. out of my mouth.

"Hey, I revived you Izaya. You should thank me. Why do you always want to die at the moment? It's not as fun.. I know.. that you never feared death, but this is taking it too far.."

I guessed he was trying to make a heartfelt speech, so I left him to it. My mind drifted elsewhere and his words got lost somewhere in a fog as I ate the juicy pineapple slices. One slice was probably half of the pineapple, but at least Shizuo had tried.

Maybe life wasn't actually so bad. Well, it was being kind to me and I decided to be all pessimistic and find everything bad about every moment and shun my existance. But maybe, just maybe, if I focused on the good things in life..  
These pineapples that Shizuo made for me. Shizuo being kind to me. Ootoro. Simon. Running. Jumping. Living. Nature.

"Izaya.."

"Hm?" I blinked twice and moved away slightly when I noticed Shizuo was close to me again. "Please, no more CPR."

"No, uhm.. you've been staring at me for ten minutes now." He looked a little flustered and quickly added; "Not me, into my eyes."

"Huh." I shrugged slightly and went to grab more pineapple, but it was all gone so I placed the bowl in Shizuo's hands. "Guess I like your eye colour then."

"..Get some rest.. You're creeping me out." He grunts, then walks away toward the kitchen.

"Trying to be positive, Shizu-chan." I call out to him.

Maybe I was actually meant to stay here, alive and well. Just here for that brutes' pleasure, and no, I don't mean that in a dirty way.

It has all started to make sense to me now.

I'm alive for the only person that really cares for me..

I am alive for Shizuo.


	8. Another notice :I

You want more of this story?  
I kind of ended it in a way, but I keep getting followers so..  
Not sure if that means you're expecting more. xD I can.. attempt to write more if you would like?  
I'm having a bit of a 2 month writers block :/ it's annoying. I have all these cool ideas but when I write them down and re-read they sound awful. Nobody would read them.  
So yeah!

Tell me if you want more of this story, or I will be happy to just seal it off as a "Finished" fanfiction.

Thank-you for your love and support 3 - Courtney xx 


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